The Struggle is Real…

I have been a man tormented by my own decisions and failures… Someone who, despite what people see, has had serious self-esteem issues. A person who loves unselfishly, openly and without limits with little to no love in return. A faithful and consistent man who battles with faith… And, for those who have suffered in my wake, I do apologize.

Within each of us there is an ongoing battle between God, the devil and our own will. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” So, God has a Divine Plan in mind for us. But, John 10:10 says, “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy…” The thief, a.k.a. the devil, is there to hinder that plan and get us to go a different way. And finally, there is James 1:14 which says, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” We have our OWN desires which can have absolutely nothing to do with God or the devil.

It’s easy to blame God or the devil when life happens to us. When things go wrong, the first thing that we say is that the devil did this or why did God allow this to happen to me. Well, friend, did we forget about that last participant in the struggle? Ourselves… Sometimes, the hardest person to look at is the one in the mirror because they are the reason for what’s going on in our lives.

There was a time that people were afraid of me because they KNEW that their areas of opportunity, or their issues, would be written about here. To this again, I apologize for that but, this one is about ME. No name changes to protect the innocent needed this time.

I’ve lied, deceived, made bad decisions, hurt people, etc. and some of this has done recently. I’m not proud of my errors but, I do own them. And, I’m not making any excuses for them. The struggle is REAL!!!

The crazy thing is that when picking a person out of the Bible who I am most like, I always choose David… the psalmist, the worshipper, the king, the man after God’s own heart, etc. Yes, David was ALL of these things. BUT… He was also driven by his own lust, a man of war, and even a murderer. But, this those issues don’t decrease who David was because he did own up to them and repented before God and the prophet.

Then, there’s Jacob… He was a fighter. He wrestled with his brother Esau from inside the womb!! He was also a deceiver. He stole his brother’s birthright. But, this is the same man who wrestled with an angel and was given a new name, Israel. You see, he couldn’t go into his future with his old name, his old ways, and his old life.

God had to change what was spoken over him and what he said about himself. The name Jacob means “deceiver”. So, every time someone called his name that’s what they were saying… Hey deceiver. Hey liar. Can you imagine? But, the struggle doesn’t end with his name change. There are many scriptures where God refers to Jacob and Israel not only in the same chapter but in the same sentence!! Meaning, that the mindset and mentality of Jacob still fought against the Will of God in the new man, Israel. BOTH men were ever present…

There is a reason that each of us are in our CURRENT state whether spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, financial, or relational. I can’t fake the funk. I’m not a perfect man. But, I’m trying. My love is REAL. My desire to be the best that I can be is REAL. But, so is the struggle…

In my closing, if I’ve offended, hurt, deceived, mishandled, mismanaged, or simply just didn’t treat you right… I apologize to you from the deepest part of my heart, soul and being. I ask God to forgive and help me to be what He’s calling me to be. And, that this letter will be help for someone, cause them to shine the light inward and follow my lead. Repentance and Forgiveness is always in order…

I love you ALL!! There’s a Nu Sound in the air…

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