There’s a quote by St. Jerome that says, “Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest. ‘Til your good is better and your better is best.” That is a phrase that I live by because we should never stop striving to do our best. We should never finish doing something and feel that we did a good job. We should KNOW that we did our BEST work.
But, when it comes to other areas of our lives, why do we not apply these same expectations? When purchasing insurance, why do we settle for the plan that’s “OK”? Why do we go back to restaurants where the food was just “OK”? The service was “OK”… This was just “OK” or that was just “OK”. My question is… Why do we settle for “OK” in relationships?
In talking to several people, one of the common themes that I hear is that they’ve experienced a lot of stuff in their past relationships. They’ve been there / done that and all men are the same, all women are crazy. So, what difference does it make when it comes to this or that? It’s ok. I don’t mind dealing with that because it’s ok. She’s been with this guy for years but, they’re about to break up. It’s ok. He’s almost divorced. It’s ok. He’s not my man anymore but, he still lives with me. It’s ok. I love her and she’ll eventually love me. It’s ok. No, I’m not dating anyone but, I do have friends that occasionally sleep over. It’s ok. These are just a few of the scenarios that I’ve been told about. And to each one, I must tell you… No, it’s NOT ok!!
One of the problems is that we pursue relationships completely wrong. So much focus is spent on the exterior that we fail to search hearts. And, I’m not just talking about the physical. It’s easy to see if she has a nice this or that. No, the exterior being… Do they have a job? Can she cook? Does he have nice things? Are they good in bed? Oh, I forgot… I’m a Christian and we don’t test those bedroom waters. Ummm… Stop lying to yourself and everyone else. You’ve gone there more than once and didn’t think twice about repenting. But, anyway… We spend so much time focusing on the outside that we just start accepting things that may be frustrating because it’s not that bad, or it’s ok.
It is mind-blowing to me some of the things that we will accept just to be in a relationship. I recently spoke to a guy who was in an abusive relationship… His lady would frequently cuss him out and, at times, she would beat him. I asked him why was he still with her and his response was, “Man, she don’t mean nothing by it. That’s just how she is.” I’m sorry, sir… That ain’t cool.
I was speaking with a lady and she was telling me about her live-in, ex-boyfriend. They broke up about 8 months ago. Ever so often, he’d get upset and go stay at his mother’s house. But, when he cooled off, he comes back ‘home’. Umm… Hmmm… If YOU said that he comes back ‘home’ then y’all ain’t broke up!! If he’s truly an ex then he needs to find a new residence. It’s not ok…
Don’t you realize that there are OVER SEVEN BILLION people on this earth? Surely, there is, at least, ONE other person out there for YOU!!!
Of course, it’s easy for me to sit in my ivory tower and cast judgment on people and their circumstances and situations. True, I’m an outsider looking in. And, trust me… My life is NOT all peaches and cream. One day, I’ll actually write about ME. But, the easiest way to tell if you’re in an “OK” relationship is by asking yourself, “If someone would ask me for advise about their situation (and it mirrored mine) what would I tell them to do?” It’s hard to shine the light inward. It’s not comfortable. It hurts. But, it’s needful.
A second thing to try IS to ask for guidance from someone respected. Sometimes, we aren’t equipped to take the journey to making those hard decisions because we’re too close to what’s happening. Having someone there that you respect is valuable because you know that they are coming from a different perspective AND they’re concerned about you.
Once, you’ve decided that you aren’t ok with being ok the hard part comes. Time to act. Do something about it. Have the conversation with your partner. They may not know how you truly feel. They may change… If not, then YOU make the change. Life is too short to be anything but happy.
I love you ALL!! There’s a Nu Sound in the air…