12 Relationship Truths… Pt 5/12

Life doesn’t always change as fast as people do.

There is one constant that we can all count on and that constant is change. The Bible says, “To every thing there is a season…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Everything changes. We change houses, jobs, and cars. But, those are just the external things… We also change our minds, our views and our perceptions. Our feelings, desires and emotions also change.

One thing that I struggle with is relationships that have changed. The whole concept of people being in your life and then they’re not is mortifying to me. The fact that ‘life happens’ and people aren’t there anymore or are unaccessible is emotionally crushing to me. There are a few reasons for that and I’ll explain…

I grew up in a particular church organization. One of the coolest things about this organization was the amount of fellowship that they did between the various churches. There seemed to always be somewhere that we were going. We’d go to church / pastoral anniversaries, special services, building funds, etc. We also had ‘National’ conferences and conventions that we just ‘had’ to attend. It was great! What made it great was the friendships and bonds that were created over the years with all of the people from all over the country and world. The problem happens when you are no longer a part of the organization… It seems as tho you are no longer a part of them (the people). You see, when I made a life change and joined a different church, my love and affection for them didn’t stop. But, people handle change differently…

I’ve written about my friends a lot lately and how much I miss some of them. The crazy part is that intellectually I understand that ‘life happens’, we’ve been hurt, our children get older and more active, our individual responsibilities change, we get busier… I get all of that. But, when it comes to my heart, I still long for the relationship(s). I miss our time together. I miss hanging out or just picking up the phone and hearing their voice on the other end. You see, there are feelings that are connected to every relationship. And sometimes, it’s the person that you miss but most of the time it’s how that person made you feel that’s missed. The feelings of joy, connectivity, love, belonging, family are chiseled away as every moment goes by AND these feelings can’t just be replaced by ‘getting new friends’. The funny thing is that, we can try to replace our lost, or dysfunctional, relation-/friendships but all we end up doing is comparing them to each other which on emphasizes our longing for the old.

I know this guy who had been divorced for several years and because of his position, he was very concerned about what people perceived about him especially regarding dating and relationships. The crazy part is that when he finally started dating, that concern of people affected many of his decisions and many of them weren’t good for the lady. BUT, as life continued he realized that it’s not about what people thought of him but really how he felt for the lady. People that know him, know that he is in love and know that she is a good fit for him. Time brings change. It’s not about the people that knew him when he was married before but to those that know him now. He is a changed man. So, why should he continue to live in the shadow of who he used to be? Why continue unfulfilled, alone and desiring when what you need sitting in front of you.

Life presents us with a whole heap of challenges. Each of these challenges has an affect on us and those around us. We must remember not to be stuck… Life doesn’t always change as fast as people do.

I love you ALL!!!
Stay blessed,
Jackie

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