12 Relationship Truths… Pt 3/12

What most people think of you doesn’t matter.

One of the greatest deceptions that we face is our thinking about others thoughts towards us. That was a tongue twister but I’m going somewhere… The deception simply is this. I’m thinking about me. You’re thinking about you. But, most people ain’t thinking about you!!

You see, we spend an inordinate amount of time seeking acknowledgment, approval and acceptance from people. But, in reality, what we do isn’t about THEM but about US. It’s about our heart, motivation and really what works for us, not them.

I have a friend that came to our home the other day. Upon arrival, I made treats for all of our guests. Everything was cool and it was a good visit but at the end, here’s what happened… They made a comment about not having all of the treats. My immediate concern was, “Why not?” Because of allergies… Wow, I totally forgot that they were allergic to Chocolate, Peanut Butter AND Strawberries!!! These were the MAIN ingredients in most of the treats. I knew that they had allergies but I didn’t think to ask what they were. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive. I forgot… But, like it, or not, I wasn’t thinking about her.

Another example, I know a lady that doesn’t like flowers or chocolate. I know, some of you are saying, “How can this be?” Well, it’s true. She doesn’t like those things. What’s funny to me is this… What are the first things that men always go after to impress a lady? Flowers and Chocolate. If you really want to impress her… She loves candy oranges. You don’t know these things until you get to know the person. What’s funny is that as a celebration her office mates bought her chocolate and flowers. They were doing a good thing but, did they think of her, or themselves, when buying these gifts.

As I write, I’m seeing a pattern and that is, we are thinking of what we want, like, or need; not what the other person wants, likes or needs. We truly are self-serving.

I recently went to a funeral and one of the statements that people use is in reference to the dash. You know, on your headstone there’s the birth date, the death date and the dash. “What’s important isn’t when you came or left but what you did in the middle.” There hasn’t been a more accurate analogy. But, at funerals, they always give time limits to everyone in order to stick to the schedule. Well, there was this lady, the daughter of the deceased, who had written a long poem about her father. What was powerful to me was not only the poem but her delivery. She eloquently articulated everything that she wanted to say about her “Honey” and greater still was that she didn’t care about how long it took to say it. Her Dad was 90 years old. Could she get everything she wanted to say into 2 minutes? Of course not… Did she try? No. Why not? She already caught the principle of today’s letter… What most people think of her doesn’t matter. She was talking about HER father and your thoughts about her and the time are insignificant when it comes to her feelings about him.

For many years, I suffered from extreme low self-esteem when it came to my musicianship. I grew up in a home full of musicians. My family crest is known for musicians, singers and preachers. My childhood was surrounded by great minstrels and psalmists. And when I say “great”, I’m not over-exaggerating or kidding. Great as in award winning, internationally renowned artists who as kids we had sleep overs with, cut-up with and drank “green drink” with. But, I never felt that I measured up to them in comparison. Whenever they’d come around in their musical capacity, I’d lock up and shrivel up inside. I still played but not to my full potential because I was concerned about what people thought. Well, within the last 5-7 years, I started my freedom journey in music. I realized as an adult that I was trippin’ over something that was a non-issue. They weren’t concerned with my musicianship. I was. They weren’t thinking about me.

When we ALL come to the conclusion that people aren’t thinking about us… then we can begin to heal and acknowledge that we are great in what WE do because it comes from our HEART.

Ephesians 6:6 KJV says, “Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;”

Don’t go through life trying to make everyone happy, looking for that attaboy or pat on the back. Funny thing about people is that even when they are ‘pleased’ with what you’ve done… very few will acknowledge that they are pleased. People will tell you if they are displeased but live by a different code if they agree. “Qui tacet consentire videtur.” Translated, he who is silent is taken to agree.

Here’s the wrap-up… Don’t worry about people’s thoughts about or towards you because 9 times out of 10, they aren’t thinking about you. Always move from YOUR heart. When we do it from the heart, it’s always done right.

I love you ALL!!!
Stay Blessed,
Jackie

 

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