It’s a win-win, when we give-give…

Letter from 2012-11-27

I’ve been married to my wife going on 17 years. Throughout our marriage we have had our glory days and those days that we’d rather not discuss. The ups and downs of a relationship are the building blocks of that relationship and create what that relationship is, or isn’t. Unfortunately, in today’s terms, we, as a people, don’t really have very many marriages to look to for encouragement or support because of one truth… People aren’t staying married.

In America, “50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.” Wait, quick pause… I knew it was bad but it’s something else when you look it up. I’m in shock myself. 1/2 of every 1st marriage will end in divorce!!! Why is that? Marriage is like one of those goals. You know like graduate, get a job, move out of your parents’ house, get married, start a family, and retire to Florida.

I’ve heard it said that marriage is a union of two lives. I’ve also heard that marriage is a collision of histories, or destinies. Men refer to their wives as “the wife”. Women refer to their husbands as “him or my old man”. Where’s the love? Where’s the respect? It is said that whatever you don’t respect will exit your life. That’s not only true with money but also people.

There have been times that I didn’t respect my wife and she had just cause to exit. But, she stayed. It was hard for us through those times, and sometimes even now, but we have to WORK our marriages. There are times that you don’t like your spouse but in those times remember that before you were married… you were friends. You can be mad at your friend and keep it pushing. You’re still friends though. Friends forgive and move on. I didn’t say forget but rather move on.

When my mother passed away, I lost the best friend that I ever had. Whenever things were tough, I could call mommy and she would know just what to say, she would know just what to do, she just knew… The Bible tells us men to leave your parents and cleave to your wife. I’m learning that leaving your parents doesn’t just mean moving out of the house but also in your mind. Your spouse should now be your best friend. They have decided to be with you until the final curtain call.

Ephesians 5 tells the wives to submit and tell the husbands to love as Christ loved. No matter how you slice it, everyone is giving. To submit is to give up your stance for another’s. To love as Christ did… well, he made the ultimate sacrifice; he gave his life. We as men should always look out for and trust our wives. They are giving us more than we realize. Women, did you know that man is the loneliest creature that God created? So lonely that, from the beginning, He (God) said that it’s not good for him to be alone. So, knowing this, when things go bad don’t reject him, hold things over him or push him to the side. He has nowhere else to go but to you. That’s why God created you.

When we understand that married life isn’t about give and take but give and give… then we can make a difference in those numbers above. And the generation to follow can have living examples of what marriage is really all about. It’s a win-win, when we give-give…

I love you ALL!!!
Stay blessed,
Jackie

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